Yesterday was our first meeting with the oncologist. It went very good. My labs continue to remain stable and I am feeling good. It still doesnt feel real because I dont feel "sick". I feel like I am going to wake up from this bad dream and return to normal. Life has gotten a little crazy with all of these appointments. As hectic as it seems, I have not had to do anything alone. Chris and my parents have been there every step of the way. We are taking everything one day at a time. As the doctor said "One foot in front of the other". I say one step @ a time. In addition to the appointment I had my first echo. If all goes as planned I will be potentially getting admitted next Thursday (Thanksgiving Day). We will be going to Dana Farber on Monday to get their thoughts on treatment. I continue to pray for my labs to remain stable.
Looking back on the past couple of days....I am not sure it feels real. I am not sure I will ever forget the phone call on Thursday afternoon. I knew something wasnt right. We hoped and prayed for a different diagnosis. Labs were re-drawn and additional testing was ordered. The weekend was the worst so far. There were many tears. I know I am strong, but there are times I ask myself why me? I truly believe God gives you what you can handle. For some unknown reason He thinks I can handle this. I want to tell Him I am way to busy with work, school, clinical..LIFE. But for some reason He has other plans for me. All I know is whatever His plans are...I will beat this. I will walk in graduation and I will go on to tell my story. For now all I can do is remain positive, hope for the best and pray.
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.
(The Serenity Prayer)
Till next time...KMS