On December 26, 2012 I got the best Christmas gift I could have asked for…remission. Having cancer has taught me more about life than I could have ever imagined. It has truly changed my life for the better. While it has shaped me into a better person, there are days that the pain I’ve faced are etched into my memory forever. These days were definitely mountains on this journey; one being December 29^th  when Chris shaved my head. While it taught me that my curls don’t define me, it was not easy to cut them off. Oddly enough, they didn’t come back. Maybe it’s God’s way of showing me how much I’ve changed. 

In 2013 I accomplished quite a bit. I walked in graduation, received my diploma, passed my boards and became a licensed APRN; all while undergoing treatment. I also overcame many other obstacles that were placed in front of me. While some things seem like they’re impossible, I continue to take everything one step @ a time. I have many goals for 2014, but I’m continually reminded that Rome wasn’t built overnight, so I have to remind myself of my motto, sit back and relax.

So here’s to enjoying a happy and healthy 2014!

Happy Holidays!

Till next time…KMS

One year ago today, my life changed in a matter of seconds. One second I was a busy student/nurse/wife/daughter/friend, and the next, I had ALL. I went into survival mode. The weeks following my diagnosis are still a blur, going to countless appointments and getting countless lab tests. While it's all a blur I was never alone. On 11/12/12, not only was I diagnosed with cancer, those I am closest to were as well. I never went to a single appointment alone. Actually, I never went to treatment alone until I was on maintenance.

Telling people you have cancer is surreal. I remember thinking, “how exactly do you tell people?”. Still to this day it’s something I struggle with. Well, here are some words of wisdom: 1- Remember, everyone is different. 2- Most importantly, remember everyone responds differently. I distinctly remember saying to my friend, “we are going to do this without crying”. She said to me, “who, you or me?”. Funny thing is, she’s been my shoulder to cry on (or laugh with when I couldn't get into my jeans!) throughout this whole journey. Some people don’t know what to say and that’s understandable. Even today, I still can’t believe I’m telling you I have cancer.

After going into survival mode and doing reproductive endocrinology, I quickly started treatment. I still felt like I was on candid camera and I would be told, "haha the jokes on you, wow Katelyn handled that really well!".  I went from leading this crazy busy life to being homebound. While I was home I was never truly alone, I always had Subie by my side. She’s been the perfect partner in crime because she loves to nap J.

While I would love to pretend this journey has been easy, it hasn't. At one point, I didn't want to see food never mind eat I was so nausea. Eating was a chore, and my weight quickly demonstrated this. To top it all off, around this point in time, my neuropathy got worse; double whammy! Cancer taught me a lot about who I am, neuropathy taught me to not take things for granted. To not be able to do normal activities of daily living is truly life changing. It’s something that words can’t explain. There are MANY good days, but definitely some bad ones. A wise woman told me, “there are many hills and valleys on this journey”. Plain and simple, some days are valleys and they are not fun.

Throughout all the craziness of ALL and neuropathy I managed to graduate with my MSN and pass my boards to become an APRN. I’m living proof that if you put your mind to something, you can achieve your goals. From day 1, I said I was going to walk across that stage at graduation. It may not have been the prettiest walk, but I did it.

While this isn’t the journey I ever imagined having in my lifetime, and probably wouldn’t have chosen it if you had asked me before, I wouldn't change it for one second (well maybe on some of those valley days J). ALL has allowed me to meet some pretty amazing people I would have never met. I have an amazing team at Smilow that have seen me at some of my lowest points. They are people that I’m proud to call my friends. They’ve supported not only me, but my family and friends. My APRN is someone who I truly admire. She’s been a perfect example of someone whom I’d like to be in practice, someone who always goes above and beyond. In addition to my Smilow team, my first physical therapist is someone I still stay in touch with. She showed me that with a little determination and hard work I could get stronger. She gave me such a strong foundation to work from. I still text her with my little victories. I also still stay in touch with my APRN from reproductive endocrinology. She too is someone I admire. She was constantly available when we were going through the process and was even holding my hand at retrieval. There are many other people who have come into my life since my journey began and I’m grateful for each and every one.

In addition to allowing me to meet all these people that have changed my life, relationships in my personal life grew stronger. I'm pretty sure that 2 years into marriage you don't expect to shave your wife's head because she has cancer, or spend countless hours at Smilow. Chris has never wavered for a second. Our lives were turned upside down and I couldn't have asked for a better partner on this journey. We truly took our vows, "in sickness and health" seriously.

My parents have also been in the front seat on this crazy journey. My mom and I have always been close. There’s not a day that goes by that we don’t speak at least three times a day. Over the past year, my relationship with my dad has changed; he became my treatment buddy. At one point my APRN even asked if he was retired, a big sign that you’re spending way too much time at Smilow! We even discovered that we’re twins when I shave my head - - the resemblance is uncanny. Through it all, my parents have been by my side. I can’t imagine what it’s like to watch your child go through something like this. Good thing they only have one of me, because I sure gave them a run for their money this year!

Like I said before, there are really no words to describe the past year. Even those who have been by my side day in and day out don’t understand it at times; they’ve experienced their own journey and have their own version of the story to tell. While I’m not the best storyteller, this is my story. I’ve had one crazy year, but in the end, I SURVIVED. I’m definitely not the same person I was a year ago, cancer changes everything, maybe for the better…

Till next time…KMS

In my 25^th year of life I’ve had many ups and downs. I was diagnosed with cancer, graduated with my masters and today I passed my APRN boards. That’s right, I PASSED! After 3 hours in the exam room, I hit end exam and thought, "here we go".  I literally saw my heart beating while I awaited the results.

These past 11 months have shown me that anything is possible. I’m living proof that when you put your mind to it, you can achieve anything! I’ve faced much adversity after being diagnosed with cancer. There are many good days, but there have been some bad ones along the way. But following my motto, I have taken everything one step @ a time. And of course, I couldn't have done it without the support of my family and friends. (Who had more confidence in me than I had in myself!)

I’m not sure what I’ll do with all this free time, but I'm sure I’ll find something J. It’ll take a few days to set in, but for now I’ll celebrate!

Till next time...KMS APRN

This past Saturday was “Light the Night”. I had an AMAZING turnout! Team one step @ a time represented!! It was truly an honor to be surrounded by so many people that support me. This was my first year attending the event. It is truly amazing to see all of the balloons lighting the way along the walk to support those in the fight and remember those we have lost. Participating in “Light the Night” is something that I plan on for years to come. Cancer chose me for a reason. I’m not sure I will ever understand the reason, but raising awareness for blood cancers is the least I can do. At this point in time team one step @ a time raised $7,900! That’s well above and beyond my goal and I’m very grateful for all of the donations received. This money will truly impact those affected by blood cancer and hopefully help to find a cure! Below are some pictures from the walk that Chris took, but I’m waiting for the official team picture taken at the event. We had so many people they had to do a panoramic! Looking forward to next year’s walk!

Till next time…KMS

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cspencephoto/sets/72157636309919473/

Well it is official…I completed my clinical rotations! So I’ll be receiving my diploma very soon J.  It’s another thing to check off my to do list. Just one more step until I’m the real deal and as always I’m taking it one step @ a time. Hard work definitely pays off!!

This past weekend marked  one year from when ALL decided to join my life. I’m pretty sure I’ll never forget looking in my mouth and seeing purple tonsils. Yes, I said purple. I’m sure there are few that will remember the phone call about my “necrotic” looking tonsils from Ocean City, MD. While I wasn’t officially diagnosed until November 2012, it was this weekend last year that the process began. Little did I know at the time that I was in for such a journey! Those purple tonsils gave everyone a run for their money for about a month.

Chris and I were able to get away this past weekend. We went to the same car show (H2Oi) in Ocean City, MD. I survived with trip without incident! Definitely a new experience to travel. We had a good time and it was a much needed break. 

Just a quick reminder about Light the Night…On October 5th I will be walking in Light the Night. I’m excited to see everyone who will be walking! I’m also very honored by the overwhelming amount of generosity and support I’ve received. I’m very grateful for all of the donations made. Those who have donated are truly making a difference in the lives of those affected by cancer! While I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by supporting and loving people, there are those less fortunate. With even a small donation, we are providing support and funding to provide for those in need and most importantly, the donations are helping to hopefully find a cure! So THANK YOU for your continued support.

Till next time…KMS

Being diagnosed with a blood cancer is something that takes anyone by surprise. It’s hard to explain, but it’s something you can’t see or feel, so it almost doesn’t feel real. It’s like something is invading your body without your permission. While it may not feel real, it’s something that occurs more often than we would like to believe. I’m living proof that cancer can affect you when you least expect it. It takes you by surprise and throws your life into a whirlwind. I’m sure my life will never be the same. Cancer has changed me forever. In the past 9 months, cancer has shown me I’m stronger than I ever thought possible, I can do anything I put my mind to, and I’m surrounded by people who love and care about me.

September is blood cancer awareness month. While cancer has taught me a lot, it’s now my time to educate others. I want people to understand that blood cancer can happen to anyone when you least expect it. On October 5, 2013, I’ll be walking in “Light the Night”. Light the Night allows people who have blood cancer or have been impacted by blood cancer, to come together and increase awareness. While increasing awareness, the money raised can also help change someone’s life.  It’s my hope to get donations to make a difference.  I can’t do this alone, so I’m asking for your help. Please feel free to make a donation to my team (one step @ a time) and help me change someone’s life. THANK YOU for your continued support!

Till next time…KMS

Fundraising page: http://pages.lightthenight.org/ct/NewHaven13/onestepatime

The month of August has flown by! I’m back in the swing of things going to clinical, so that’s keeping me busy. In addition to my clinical, I still visit Smilow weekly for labs. It’s nice to be out and about in the “real” world again. This Friday I start a 5 day chemo run, but I’ll be back in the swing of things at the end of next week. I’m about half way done clinical; the end is near! Well I just wanted to check in since it’s been about a month. I continue to take it one step @ a time on this journey.

Till next time…KMS

Tomorrow marks the eighth month of treatment. Where did 8 months go? Well for me, I know many long days were spent at Smilow. As for my A-team, many miles have been spent on the road. No matter where the time was spent, it sure has gone by quickly. Today was my last day of delayed intensification. Once my counts get the memo and come up, I’ll start maintenance. It’s funny to look back to the beginning and think, "when I'm on maintenance”, and here I am. I can promise you it hasn't been an easy journey, and I still laugh and say it doesn't feel real. I can't possibly have cancer. As I tell my friend, we’ll wake up and say wow, Katelyn handled that really well. While it doesn't feel real I have daily reminders of what I have gone through. I told Chris just the other day that no one told me I would have this much neuropathy and he looked at me and said, “would it have changed your mind to get treated?” As if that would have ever been an option. I’m too damn stubborn to let cancer win. While it’s easy to watch me cruise around in my braces, it’s definitely not how I imagined I would be starting maintenance. Cancer has taught me a lot, that’s for sure. I’ve looked fear in the eyes and overcome. Every day I see myself getting stronger. While it never happens as quickly as I would like, I continue to make strides. Sometimes it's just all in my head, so everyone says. I say it's just my personality and that I put a lot of thought into everything I do. I have thought long and hard over the past 8 months, but one thing I’ve never asked myself is “why me”, because I truly believe everything happens for a reason. Cancer may not always be easy, but it teaches you some valuable lessons, strengthens some important relationships, and for this alone, I wouldn't change my diagnosis for anything.

Till next time…KMS

I guess I have been MIA lately. The first couple weeks of delayed intensification were busy. I was at Smilow nearly every day for two weeks. So I have a good excuse! I was off last week, which was a much needed and nice break. I'm off until Thursday this week and then I start a five day run. While it'll get busy again, I'm almost half way through this phase. Believe it or not, I'm six months (almost seven months) into treatment. The time sure is flying by.

I can't believe I've been out of school for a month. I've been keeping busy with my physical therapy and little things around the house. I also had some visitors this past week which was nice. It was nice to see some of my friends. I hope as I continue to move forward I can have more visits! While I may not see everyone as much as I would like, I continue to receive support. Everyone at work put together a beautiful quilt with notes to me. It truly brought tears to my eyes to read the notes from everyone. I also continue to get cards, phone calls, text messages and even nakeds! I'm truly honored to be surrounded by such supportive people.

(and of course happy fathers day!)

Till next time…KMS

Here we go again! On to another phase- -delayed intensification. Can you keep up?! We’re on a roll here. It’s going to be a busy 64 days, something that seems overwhelming on paper. But all I keep telling myself is, “I’ve already gotten every single one of these medications before”. This phase takes the name literally- - intense that is. It’s every intense medication that I’ve received over the past six months rolled up into one last wallop, just to make sure that the cancer which invaded my body is gone for good.  

I’ve been catching up on some much needed reading. After graduating, I began to climb the walls so everyone wants to give me a project J. Not working was much more manageable when I was busy writing papers and studying for exams. So now I have to find other ways to keep myself busy. Smilow is helping with that next week….I’ll be there four out of five days. Today was a long day too…I put in some 9a-6p hours! In time I’ll get to work again, I just have to keep up my exercises and eating.

One step @ a time…Rome wasn’t built overnight, even though in my book it would have been!

Till next time…KMS

Happy graduation day! (and mother’s day of course) I made itJ If this has taught me anything, it has taught me that determination and hard work pays off. I achieved my goal- -I walked across that stage and graduated alongside my fellow classmates! It has been a long journey with a big pay off. I am happy to be done with late night studying, 20 pages papers and endless exams. Although I am sure after about a month I’ll be climbing the walls. I’ll keep myself busy with studying for the boards and a few good books. Of course I didn’t achieve this goal alone, I am thankful to be surrounded by some pretty amazing people. I cannot thank Chris, my parents, some good friends, and family enough for their support through school. We made it J

Here’s a sneak peek picture- - more to come.

Till next time…KMS

I know I said this about March…but where did April go?! I cannot believe it is May! And I am happy to say April is gone. April was a rough month. I gave a couple weeks plus some days to nausea. Which I can tell you first hand is awful. The medications just made me sleepy and didn’t make me feel any better. I am happy to say I am feeling better. A little ginger is always helpful too! Of course while I had nausea I lost weight so I am back to eating myself out of house and home. Eating has become my full time job! Some would be jealous of my diet…ice cream, hot pockets, ellios pizza and naked fruit smoothies. Those are a few of my favorites.

On top of the nausea, the medications I receive have caused me to have some difficulty walking and doing some things like going up and down stairs. I know I will re-gain my skills but this has definitely been a big change for me. God gives you what you can handle, for some reason he is giving me yet another challenge. Of course I am all over it with vengeance. I have everyone on my team helping me get over this bump in the road.

Yesterday I had my last day of chemo for interm maintenance. I have a two week break and then I start delayed intensification. One step closer to maintenance!

I will have some free time on my hands soon. I graduate this coming Sunday! I might not be able to run across that stage but I will walk slowly and take it all in.

Till next time…KMS

 

Where did March go?! I’m pretty sure it flew by in the blink of an eye. On top of a busy treatment schedule, I’ve been busy with school. Maybe that is where the month has gone. I’m not complaining because I’m one month closer to graduation. We’re almost at the one month to go mark! Watch out- - I might run across the stage! I’m checking items off the to-do list as I finish things up and it’s definitely a good feeling.

Last Saturday I was able to take a much needed break an attend Dubs on Defrost (DOD), a VW car show. For anyone that knows Chris or me, they know it’s one of our favorite things to do in the coming months. While we were at DOD, there was another very important car show (WiTW – Wookies In The Woods for those that don’t know J) being attended by some of my biggest fans. I’m not sure that thank you is enough for all of the generosity, thoughts, prayers and support. In addition to the support, I was honored by the amount of funds raised. While I owe a HUGE thank you to Abe, I know there were many people behind the scenes. All in all, I’m honored to say the least. In addition to saying thank you, I just wanted to let you know that a good portion of the money will be going to a fundraiser that I’m partaking in. I’ll be using it to ride in the, “Closer to Free” (http://www.rideclosertofree.org/) ride in September to support Smilow Cancer Hospital where I receive my treatment. I’ll be riding 25 miles! Once again, thank you for all of your support. I truly feel honored to be part of the VW community and look forward to attending WITW in the coming years.

Well I just wanted to check in, say hi, and send out a special thank you! Starting a new treatment phase and school has proven to keep me busy. Plus my naptime can be very time consuming J, but very important!

Till next time…KMS

No one promised me this would be easy right?! Well, the past couple weeks haven’t been. I have been neutropenic (aka can’t fight any infection) for a week or so now. According to my dad I am running on a ¼ of a tank. Literally, that is what it feels like. I still am doing my school work, making dinner and exercising, but everything just makes me feel tired. Some of it is the fact that my labs are UGLY, but the other part is the #1 side effect of all these medications is fatigue. In addition to being tired, I have had a busy treatment schedule. I have been going Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the past couple of weeks. As of tomorrow I will be done consolidation. I cannot believe it- - another phase down! J I will have to wait for my labs to recover and then I can start interm maintenance. While I am excited to move onto the next phase, I still continue to take it one step @ a time.

Till next time…KMS

I am moving right along with treatment, Friday was day 57. Believe it or not I am almost done consolidation. I will be moving onto interm maintenance. On Friday my APRN gave me the paths for the rest of the phases. I quickly looked at them, but honestly it is pretty overwhelming. I will continue to take it one step @ a time as it is much easier.

I have been keeping very busy with school. I had a test last week and another this week. It is nice to be busy. While I am keeping busy with the course work, I wish I was able to go to work or clinical. Some days I laugh because I remember going non-stop for the past couple years. Now I have a different routine. Soon enough I will be back into my old routine. I much prefer to be the provider and not the patient.

Today I was inducted into the Sigma Theta Tau International honor society. I guess hard work really does pay off J While I usually go from home to Smilow, today I was able to make the outing to go to the induction ceremony. The next big outing is graduation. The countdown is on- -only two more months! Today made that light at the end of the tunnel a little bit brighter.

Till next time…KMS

 

 

 

 

Today I started treatment again after my two week hiatus. It was a long day at the hospital but I had a good reward. I got the go ahead from my APRN to go into the loft. If you know me, you know how much I love to shop. I haven’t been into a store since November. Of course my bank account was thanking me, but the stores were sure missing me. I think the mall played “hallelujah” when I walked through the doors J Of course I made some nice purchases, with everything being conveniently on sale. So now I’ve had my fix for a little while. It was nice to get out; it felt like a typical mother daughter outing (which was much needed).

Well I am off to bed. I will have a busy weekend ahead of me. Plenty of schoolwork and treatment have my name written all over it.

Till next time…KMS

Today I graduated from radiation! I completed my 8 treatments and rang the gong. I had talked about ringing the gong all weekend (who wouldn’t be excited J). Come to find out there is a significance to the gong. The banging of the gong symbolizes the restoration of balance, harmony and life energy (http://www.mdanderson.org). It was a very exciting moment. It is another step in my journey. While I continue to take it one step @ a time it is nice to take time to recognize the milestones.

Here is the video:

 

Till next time…KMS  

Today was day 29 of consolidation. I now have two weeks off from treatment. This hiatus is specifically designed to let my labs recover. My labs are definitely not pretty right now (I know, I know I asked for this). Today was a very long day much thanks to Epic go-live. All my Yale friends know exactly what I am talking about. While long, it is over now and I am home on the couch watching tv. I am planning on doing some schoolwork and relaxing this weekend. It was a busy week going to radiation every day, but Monday is my last day of radiation! I am very excited J It is going to be a big day! Another milestone in this ALL journey.

Today I watched a You Tube video of a recent flash mob performed at Union Station in New Haven, CT. It is definitely inspirational. Being closer to free is something I am sure every cancer patient seeks. While being in remission is exciting, there is still many days of treatment left. I will continue to take it one step @ a time till I am closer to free. See the link below to watch the video.

 

Till next time…KMS

Cancer changes everything- - so I am learning. It changes you as a person, your relationships, your daily activities, your goals...life in general. Although change is hard, some of the changes are for the better. While I have changed, there are some things that will always remain the same. I am still the type-A and determined girl I have always been. While still head-strong, cancer has forced me to slow down and focus on the here and now. I have learned not to look to far ahead because it can be overwhelming. For now, I look to the end of consolidation and take every day one step @ a time.  

Today was the first day of the Spring 2013 semester. In my typical fashion I Skyped into one of my classes as I am not allowed to attend. I will continue to do school from home for the semester and I will walk in graduation this coming May. Although I see the light at the end of the tunnel it’s bittersweet. For the past 4 years or so, I’ve sat side by side with Kelly in class. Today I was at home- - there was no small talk during class, no sharing our dread as we listened to them go over the syllabus, and no laughing at our inside jokes. Although I am thrilled to be completing the semester via modern technology, I want to be sitting in the front row with Kelly (yes we are nerds). Although things have changed, many have not. We still do our routine study sessions with a whiteboard and all; it just takes place in another location- my living room. Although I am not there with her every Tuesday, she knows I will be by her side on graduation day in May. A small sacrifice for a big reward.

In addition to my APRN education, I’m getting insurance 101. I have to say, that is more stressful than my regular courses. While dealing with the insurance company can be stressful, I have my parents and Chris here to remind me not to worry about the small details.

While I continue to take it one step @ a time, there are little bumps along the way to make you realize that things do change. While there are changes, it is all about taking them in stride.

Till next time…KMS

Just when I was getting used to having no hair, my wigs arrived! Yes, that is wigs – I have two. I told Chris he can choose wife#1 or wife#2. One is extremely similar to my hair (curly) and the other is straight with some curl. I was honestly surprised by both J The person I got my wigs from is out of New Haven. He is a lymphoma survivor and it is his way of giving back. He is truly a special person. He was recommended by the boutique in Smilow, since they do not sell wigs. I contacted him during induction and he came to my room to meet with me. I then met with him at the salon and I was able to look through the book and pick out color. He then went into the city and purchased the wigs. He is definitely good at what he does. So, today I got both my wigs cut and styled. I had my two sidekicks (Kelly and Katie) there to approve. So now I have three options (1. bald, 2. curly or 3. straight), who would have ever thought I would have so many styles to choose from!

Till next time…KMS

Today I had a meeting with the radiation oncologist. The meeting went well and I am scheduled to start radiation treatments next week, which means we are already going into week 4. The weeks are flying by! In addition to the meeting, I was fit for my mask. The purpose of the mask is to make sure they are directing the radiation in the correct spot. This was quite an experience. I would first like to begin by saying if you are claustrophobic this is not for you. The long and short of the fitting is lying on a CT scan table and having this gel-like material placed over your face to make the mold. When they place the material over your face you are pinned to the table so that you don’t move and mess up the mold. They then perform the CT scan to make the markings. The doctor then reads the scan and the official markings are made. While it is a 15 minute procedure, it feels like an eternity. I had no concept of time underneath the mask, so minutes turned into hours. At one point I made a signal to the tech asking how long for the doctor to read the scan and she said 5 minutes. Well the 5 minutes felt like an hour. While I am not claustrophobic, I didn’t enjoy having the gel like material molded to my face. Overall, it was an experience that is hard to explain. Now that my mask is made, the actual radiation is about 5 minutes, so I’m told.

Till next time…KMS

Day 1 of consolidation:

Today I began consolidation. I will be getting treatment for the next 4 days in a row. So I will be a familiar face at Smilow this week! I am feeling good and my labs were good today. I was actually able to get a pedicure (with my APRNs approval of course) at the day spa J It was very exciting and relaxing, definitely a treat! And I got to have a salad tonight! I might as well take advantage of it while my labs are good J It was a BIG day for me today.

One thing cancer teaches you is don’t take the little things for granted. For example, I used to eat salad every day. I haven’t had a salad for well over a month because of my labs. I sometimes watch Chris eat salad and I get so jealous. I almost want to drool as he is eating it. Just a simple salad and I crave it! I will never take eating salad for granted again because I now know what it is like to not be able to have it. Just like getting a pedicure. I used to be able to go whenever I want. Now I have to go when my labs are good. All the little things in life are big to me now. So lesson of the day: Enjoy the little things for one day you may look back and realize that they were big things.  (I actually have this quote on my tv along with many others thanks to Chris. You are not allowed to have a bad day in our house J)

Till next time…KMS

Yesterday we had the meeting to find out which risk group I would be placed in and which medications I will be receiving for the next phase of treatment (called consolidation). I was placed in the lowest risk group that I could potentially have been placed in, given that I have 0% blasts! Overall the meeting went well and I am actually starting treatment bright and early tomorrow morning. I now have a schedule for the next 78 days. I will continue to take it one step @ a time, but now have a new goal of day 78. Although it feels like forever and a day away I know time will go quickly. Look, it’s already 2013! This is going to be a good year J

Till next time…KMS