I’m not sure what happened to May (or half of June for that matter), but it came and went. May is typically busy with our anniversary and mom & dads birthday’s, but to top it all off, my butt was kicked after getting discharged from the hospital. I am just starting to feel better and less tired. I would come home from work and just crash I was so tired for a  while there. It definitely takes me some time to recover, but of course in my true fashion, I’ve been working 40+ hours each week and keeping up with my physical therapy. All of the hard work definitely pays off! I’m getting there slowly but surely. 

Some days are easier than others, but I just always have to remind myself how far I’ve come. As I write this I laugh because I’m very bad at this. I tend to focus on the here and now, but looking back over the course of the year no one imagined I would be doing what I’m doing now. Last year at this time I was still having nausea and drinking Nakeds. It  was just about this time I was getting fitted for AFOs (aka my magic legs). I never talk much about my neuropathy, because I’m not sure there are words to describe the pain it has caused me emotionally. Still to this day even as I watch myself make major strides, it isn't easy. Those who are closest to me have watched me struggle and have been my shoulder to cry on, but it’s not something I ever wrote much about. Looking back a year ago, I would have never imagined I would be where I am today. While I’m proud of myself, it’s still a daily struggle. I just hope to continue to keep up this pace and keep on improving. 

“The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.” - Moliere 

Till next time…KMS 

Today was my lucky day! After 5 nights, I was finally able to come home. Tonight I will finally able to get some much needed rest. It’s nice to be home with my girl Subie (and of course Chris). She has spent most of the day by my side, snuggling on the couch. 

My discharge came in good time since tomorrow is Chris’s birthday. We won’t be doing much in the way of celebrating, but at least we wont be at Smilow. This will be Chris’s last year in his twenties. Yes, he is rapidly turning into an old man. Happy Birthday Chris, I’m not sure what I would do without you. You make difficult times like this past week feel manageable. This has been one crazy journey, but I’m glad we are on it together. 

Till next time…KMS 

Well…I was unexpectedly admitted to Smilow yesterday afternoon with neutropenic fever. So I’m blogging from NP 11 tonight.  All is well, I just have to get IV antibiotics for a couple of days. I also need to stay fever free which isn’t going so well for me. I’ve had temps all day today. It isn’t ideal that I’m here for Easter, but it is out of my control. So as always, I will take it one step @ a time and go with the flow. It’s definitely not fun being the patient. Ironically enough, I was on call this weekend, so I was supposed to be admitting people not having myself admitted. Having a neutropenic fever can be very dangerous because I don’t have any white blood cells to fight infection. So I have been poked, prodded and swabbed in numerous places that we won’t mention to find the cause of my fevers.  

Of course Chris has been here through everything and my parents came up today after just getting home from vacation. We all agreed that Easter just doesn’t like me! Last Easter was when I got very sick with nausea and vomiting. This year I decided to spend it at Smilow. Your life can be thrown off course in a matter of seconds when you have cancer. Yesterday I was planning on making a variety of deviled eggs and a special desert. The next second I was packing a bag to come to Smilow. If I let every bump in the road get me down I would be a very unhappy person, so I take it in stride and hope for the best.

Till next time…KMS

Wow, I guess I’ve been away for quite some time now. I’ve been crazy busy adjusting to work. It gets a little hectic at times with trips to Smilow and physical therapy, but it’s going good. I’ve had a couple busy months of figuring out how to live my life. Adding work into the mix has been challenging at times, but it’s definitely better than doing “nothing”, even though I was never really doing “nothing”. I’ve been extremely busy since November 2012. Since my diagnosis, I’ve been trying to survive. Some days it feels like I’m barely treading water, then others I’m on top of the world. I know my life will never be the same. The problems that used to be easy feel like mountains to overcome. Sometimes it feels like there is a new problem every week. It has definitely gotten easier, but it can still be a struggle. I’ve learned to deal with these problems as they come along. They are part of my “new normal” life. 

I’ve grown and changed so much as a person. I’m not sure some people will ever understand what I’ve been through or what I go through on a daily basis. While it’s a daily challenge, I continue to take every day one step @ a time. There are days I feel l’ve given up so much, yet, on the other hand I’ve gained so much. At a time in my life when I was supposed to be carefree, I was faced with fighting for my life. ALL has shown me what I’m capable of and has shaped me into a person I am proud of. Despite all of the struggles and challenges, I wouldn't change my life for a minute. It may not be the easiest journey, but I’m surviving and living to tell my story. 

Till next time…KMS 

I know I’ve been MIA for a bit, but I have a good excuse. I’ve been busy getting back into the swing of working! I’m the proud new full time APRN for the Hematology/Oncology department at MidState Medical Center. I’ve been back to work for just over three weeks now. It’s definitely nice to get back into a routine, but it’s busy juggling work, treatment and physical therapy. I still have another 14 months of treatment, so this will be my routine for the foreseeable future. It sure does make the weeks fly by though! Soon enough it’ll be April 2015 J

Other than the new job, there isn’t much to report.

Till next time…KMS

On December 26, 2012 I got the best Christmas gift I could have asked for…remission. Having cancer has taught me more about life than I could have ever imagined. It has truly changed my life for the better. While it has shaped me into a better person, there are days that the pain I’ve faced are etched into my memory forever. These days were definitely mountains on this journey; one being December 29^th  when Chris shaved my head. While it taught me that my curls don’t define me, it was not easy to cut them off. Oddly enough, they didn’t come back. Maybe it’s God’s way of showing me how much I’ve changed. 

In 2013 I accomplished quite a bit. I walked in graduation, received my diploma, passed my boards and became a licensed APRN; all while undergoing treatment. I also overcame many other obstacles that were placed in front of me. While some things seem like they’re impossible, I continue to take everything one step @ a time. I have many goals for 2014, but I’m continually reminded that Rome wasn’t built overnight, so I have to remind myself of my motto, sit back and relax.

So here’s to enjoying a happy and healthy 2014!

Happy Holidays!

Till next time…KMS

One year ago today, my life changed in a matter of seconds. One second I was a busy student/nurse/wife/daughter/friend, and the next, I had ALL. I went into survival mode. The weeks following my diagnosis are still a blur, going to countless appointments and getting countless lab tests. While it's all a blur I was never alone. On 11/12/12, not only was I diagnosed with cancer, those I am closest to were as well. I never went to a single appointment alone. Actually, I never went to treatment alone until I was on maintenance.

Telling people you have cancer is surreal. I remember thinking, “how exactly do you tell people?”. Still to this day it’s something I struggle with. Well, here are some words of wisdom: 1- Remember, everyone is different. 2- Most importantly, remember everyone responds differently. I distinctly remember saying to my friend, “we are going to do this without crying”. She said to me, “who, you or me?”. Funny thing is, she’s been my shoulder to cry on (or laugh with when I couldn't get into my jeans!) throughout this whole journey. Some people don’t know what to say and that’s understandable. Even today, I still can’t believe I’m telling you I have cancer.

After going into survival mode and doing reproductive endocrinology, I quickly started treatment. I still felt like I was on candid camera and I would be told, "haha the jokes on you, wow Katelyn handled that really well!".  I went from leading this crazy busy life to being homebound. While I was home I was never truly alone, I always had Subie by my side. She’s been the perfect partner in crime because she loves to nap J.

While I would love to pretend this journey has been easy, it hasn't. At one point, I didn't want to see food never mind eat I was so nausea. Eating was a chore, and my weight quickly demonstrated this. To top it all off, around this point in time, my neuropathy got worse; double whammy! Cancer taught me a lot about who I am, neuropathy taught me to not take things for granted. To not be able to do normal activities of daily living is truly life changing. It’s something that words can’t explain. There are MANY good days, but definitely some bad ones. A wise woman told me, “there are many hills and valleys on this journey”. Plain and simple, some days are valleys and they are not fun.

Throughout all the craziness of ALL and neuropathy I managed to graduate with my MSN and pass my boards to become an APRN. I’m living proof that if you put your mind to something, you can achieve your goals. From day 1, I said I was going to walk across that stage at graduation. It may not have been the prettiest walk, but I did it.

While this isn’t the journey I ever imagined having in my lifetime, and probably wouldn’t have chosen it if you had asked me before, I wouldn't change it for one second (well maybe on some of those valley days J). ALL has allowed me to meet some pretty amazing people I would have never met. I have an amazing team at Smilow that have seen me at some of my lowest points. They are people that I’m proud to call my friends. They’ve supported not only me, but my family and friends. My APRN is someone who I truly admire. She’s been a perfect example of someone whom I’d like to be in practice, someone who always goes above and beyond. In addition to my Smilow team, my first physical therapist is someone I still stay in touch with. She showed me that with a little determination and hard work I could get stronger. She gave me such a strong foundation to work from. I still text her with my little victories. I also still stay in touch with my APRN from reproductive endocrinology. She too is someone I admire. She was constantly available when we were going through the process and was even holding my hand at retrieval. There are many other people who have come into my life since my journey began and I’m grateful for each and every one.

In addition to allowing me to meet all these people that have changed my life, relationships in my personal life grew stronger. I'm pretty sure that 2 years into marriage you don't expect to shave your wife's head because she has cancer, or spend countless hours at Smilow. Chris has never wavered for a second. Our lives were turned upside down and I couldn't have asked for a better partner on this journey. We truly took our vows, "in sickness and health" seriously.

My parents have also been in the front seat on this crazy journey. My mom and I have always been close. There’s not a day that goes by that we don’t speak at least three times a day. Over the past year, my relationship with my dad has changed; he became my treatment buddy. At one point my APRN even asked if he was retired, a big sign that you’re spending way too much time at Smilow! We even discovered that we’re twins when I shave my head - - the resemblance is uncanny. Through it all, my parents have been by my side. I can’t imagine what it’s like to watch your child go through something like this. Good thing they only have one of me, because I sure gave them a run for their money this year!

Like I said before, there are really no words to describe the past year. Even those who have been by my side day in and day out don’t understand it at times; they’ve experienced their own journey and have their own version of the story to tell. While I’m not the best storyteller, this is my story. I’ve had one crazy year, but in the end, I SURVIVED. I’m definitely not the same person I was a year ago, cancer changes everything, maybe for the better…

Till next time…KMS